I confess to an extreme tenderness of nature on this point. It is almost
dangerous to me to "crush the sweet poison of misused wine" of the affections. A
new person is to me a great event and hinders me from sleep. I have often had
fine fancies about persons which have given me delicious hours; but the joy ends
in the day; it yields no fruit. Thought is not born of it; my action is very
little modified. I must feel pride in my friend's accomplishments as if they
were mine, and a property in his virtues. I feel as warmly when he is praised,
as the lover when he hears applause of his engaged maiden. We over-estimate the
conscience of our friend. His goodness seems better than our goodness, his
nature finer, his temptations less. Every thing that is his,--his name, his
form, his dress, books and instruments,--fancy enhances. Our own thought sounds
new and larger from his mouth.
Yet the systole and diastole of the heart are not without their analogy in the
ebb and flow of love. Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good
to be believed. The lover, beholding his maiden, half knows that she is not
verily that which he worships; and in the golden hour of friendship we are
surprised with shades of suspicion and unbelief. We doubt that we bestow on our
hero the virtues in which he shines, and afterwards worship the form to which we
have ascribed this divine inhabitation. In strictness, the soul does not respect
men as it respects itself. In strict science all persons underlie the same
condition of an infinite remoteness. Shall we fear to cool our love by mining
for the metaphysical foundation of this Elysian temple? Shall I not be as real
as the things I see? If I am, I shall not fear to know them for what they are.
Their essence is not less beautiful than their appearance, though it needs finer
organs for its apprehension. The root of the plant is not unsightly to science,
though for chaplets and festoons we cut the stem short. And I must hazard the
production of the bald fact amidst these pleasing reveries, though it should
prove an Egyptian skull at our banquet. A man who stands united with his thought
conceives magnificently of himself. He is conscious of a universal success, even
though bought by uniform particular failures. No advantages, no powers, no gold
or force, can be any match for him. I cannot choose but rely on my own poverty
more than on your wealth. I cannot make your consciousness tantamount to mine.
Only the star dazzles; the planet has a faint, moon-like ray. I hear what you
say of the admirable parts and tried temper of the party you praise, but I see
well that for all his purple cloaks I shall not like him, unless he is at last a
poor Greek like me. I cannot deny it, O friend, that the vast shadow of the
Phenomenal includes thee also in its pied and painted immensity,-- thee also,
compared with whom all else is shadow. Thou art not Being, as Truth is, as
Justice is,--thou art not my soul, but a picture and effigy of that. Thou hast
come to me lately, and already thou art seizing thy hat and cloak. Is it not
that the soul puts forth friends as the tree puts forth leaves, and presently,
by the germination of new buds, extrudes the old leaf? The law of nature is
alternation for evermore. Each electrical state superinduces the opposite. The
soul environs itself with friends that it may enter into a grander
self-acquaintance or solitude; and it goes alone for a season, that it may exalt
its conversation or society. This method betrays itself along the whole history
of our personal relations. The instinct of affection revives the hope of union
with our mates, and the returning sense of insulation recalls us from the chase.
Thus every man passes his life in the search after friendship, and if he should
record his true sentiment, he might write a letter like this to each new
candidate for his love:--
DEAR FRIEND,
If I was sure of thee, sure of thy capacity, sure to match my mood with thine, I
should never think again of trifles in relation to thy comings and goings. I am
not very wise; my moods are quite attainable, and I respect thy genius; it is to
me as yet unfathomed; yet dare I not presume in thee a perfect intelligence of
me, and so thou art to me a delicious torment. Thine ever, or never.
Yet these uneasy pleasures and fine pains are for curiosity and not for life.
They are not to be indulged. This is to weave cobweb, and not cloth. Our
friendships hurry to short and poor conclusions, because we have made them a
texture of wine and dreams, instead of the tough fibre of the human heart. The
laws of friendship are austere and eternal, of one web with the laws of nature
and of morals. But we have aimed at a swift and petty benefit, to suck a sudden
sweetness. We snatch at the slowest fruit in the whole garden of God, which many
summers and many winters must ripen. We seek our friend not sacredly, but with
an adulterate passion which would appropriate him to ourselves. In vain. We are
armed all over with subtle antagonisms, which, as soon as we meet, begin to
play, and translate all poetry into stale prose. Almost all people descend to
meet. All association must be a compromise, and, what is worst, the very flower
and aroma of the flower of each of the beautiful natures disappears as they
approach each other. What a perpetual disappointment is actual society, even of
the virtuous and gifted! After interviews have been compassed with long
foresight we must be tormented presently by baffled blows, by sudden,
unseasonable apathies, by epilepsies of wit and of animal spirits, in the heyday
of friendship and thought. Our faculties do not play us true, and both parties
are relieved by solitude.
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