Quotes by Mark Twain

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
(In "Is Shakespeare Dead?")

He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.
("The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", Chapter 2)

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
(attributed)

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
(A Connecticult Yankee in King Arthur's Court)

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
(A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court)

The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
(Advice to Youth)

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
(Following the Equator)

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.
(Following the Equator)

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
(Following the Equator - 1897)

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
(Following the Equator - 1897)