He only is fit for this society who is magnanimous; who is sure that greatness
and goodness are always economy; who is not swift to intermeddle with his
fortunes. Let him not intermeddle with this. Leave to the diamond its ages to
grow, nor expect to accelerate the births of the eternal. Friendship demands a
religious treatment. We talk of choosing our friends, but friends are
self-elected. Reverence is a great part of it. Treat your friend as a spectacle.
Of course he has merits that are not yours, and that you cannot honor if you
must needs hold him close to your person. Stand aside; give those merits room;
let them mount and expand. Are you the friend of your friend's buttons, or of
his thought? To a great heart he will still be a stranger in a thousand
particulars, that he may come near in the holiest ground. Leave it to girls and
boys to regard a friend as property, and to suck a short and all-confounding
pleasure, instead of the noblest benefit.
Let us buy our entrance to this guild by a long probation. Why should we
desecrate noble and beautiful souls by intruding on them? Why insist on rash
personal relations with your friend? Why go to his house, or know his mother and
brother and sisters? Why be visited by him at your own? Are these things
material to our covenant? Leave this touching and clawing. Let him be to me a
spirit. A message, a thought, a sincerity, a glance from him, I want, but not
news, nor pottage. I can get politics and chat and neighborly conveniences from
cheaper companions. Should not the society of my friend be to me poetic, pure,
universal and great as nature itself? Ought I to feel that our tie is profane in
comparison with yonder bar of cloud that sleeps on the horizon, or that clump of
waving grass that divides the brook? Let us not vilify, but raise it to that
standard. That great defying eye, that scornful beauty of his mien and action,
do not pique yourself on reducing, but rather fortify and enhance. Worship his
superiorities; wish him not less by a thought, but hoard and tell them all.
Guard him as thy counterpart. Let him be to thee for ever a sort of beautiful
enemy, untamable, devoutly revered, and not a trivial conveniency to be soon
outgrown and cast aside. The hues of the opal, the light of the diamond, are not
to be seen if the eye is too near. To my friend I write a letter and from him I
receive a letter. That seems to you a little. It suffices me. It is a spiritual
gift worthy of him to give and of me to receive. It profanes nobody. In these
warm lines the heart will trust itself, as it will not to the tongue, and pour
out the prophecy of a godlier existence than all the annals of heroism have yet
made good.
Respect so far the holy laws of this fellowship as not to prejudice its perfect
flower by your impatience for its opening. We must be our own before we can be
another's. There is at least this satisfaction in crime, according to the Latin
proverb;--you can speak to your accomplice on even terms. Crimen quos inquinat,
aequat. To those whom we admire and love, at first we cannot. Yet the least
defect of self-possession vitiates, in my judgment, the entire relation. There
can never be deep peace between two spirits, never mutual respect, until in
their dialogue each stands for the whole world.
What is so great as friendship, let us carry with what grandeur of spirit we
can. Let us be silent,--so we may hear the whisper of the gods. Let us not
interfere. Who set you to cast about what you should say to the select souls, or
how to say any thing to such? No matter how ingenious, no matter how graceful
and bland. There are innumerable degrees of folly and wisdom, and for you to say
aught is to be frivolous. Wait, and thy heart shall speak. Wait until the
necessary and everlasting overpowers you, until day and night avail themselves
of your lips. The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend
is to be one. You shall not come nearer a man by getting into his house. If
unlike, his soul only flees the faster from you, and you shall never catch a
true glance of his eye. We see the noble afar off and they repel us; why should
we intrude? Late,--very late,--we perceive that no arrangements, no
introductions, no consuetudes or habits of society would be of any avail to
establish us in such relations with them as we desire,--but solely the uprise of
nature in us to the same degree it is in them; then shall we meet as water with
water; and if we should not meet them then, we shall not want them, for we are
already they. In the last analysis, love is only the reflection of a man's own
worthiness from other men. Men have sometimes exchanged names with their
friends, as if they would signify that in their friend each loved his own soul.
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |